Monday, July 9, 2012

The Devil Made me do It!

Allow me to set the stage. This one is long but trust me, it's worth it. It's the fourth of July. Yes. I'm way late in writing this but its taken me this long to stop staring into space completely dumbfounded. My family had a cookout. Same as the rest of America or most of it. BUT mine was way better. I promise. 

My aunt Er...Gladys heard I'd been writing a "story." She welcomed me with cake and a warm smile. I should have seen it coming. My mother had gossiped to the family. I was writing a book. Not just any book but one of those "devil worshiping" books. 

"They're called paranormal romance's, aunt Gladys, and it has nothing to do with the devil."

"That's what you think. You don't hear him whispering to you like he did that lady over in England that wrote that trash about Harry Potter."

"J.K. Rowlings did not write trash. She wrote fiction. I can assure you there was no whispers coming from the devil. Harry Potter was just a story. It's make believe," I argued.

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you saying the devil is make believe?"

"No. I'm saying he wasn't a part of Harry Potter."

At this point my uncle started messing with the grill. There was fire potential and I won't lie. I got a little nervous. Witches were once burned at the stake. I wasn't ruling anything out. 

"The devil's a part of everything. That is what's wrong with the world. All you writers, them actors and actresses, running around talking about paranormal things. It's not of God. They're trying to keep him out of everything. It's going to be the death of us all."

"I'm sure it will, aunt Gladys."

"Don't you worry though, honey. We are going to pray for you and you can keep on writing. We will love you anyway. The lord will chase that devil away."

"That he will, aunt Gladys."

"Now, tell me. Have you heard anything about when that next movie's coming out for Twilight? What's it called, Breaking Dawn?"

Mouth dropped.

"Um...yes aunt Gladys. I think it comes out in like November."

"Oh good. I can't wait to see it. I hope this ones better than the last one. It was gross."

"Aunt Gladys?"


"You do know that Twilight is a paranormal romance, right?"

"No its' not. It's a love story."

"But there are vampires and werewolves," I said, totally stunned. 

"Yes honey, but that's not in real life. I checked. They're not real. You do know that don't you? Oh dear. That devil's got you believing in vampires and werewolves. Who made these deviled eggs? They're to die for," she said eyeing one she'd harpooned with a tiny fork. 

I ate cake. 

Mouth, currently still agape. 


  1. LOL!!!! Love it! You know, if I were there, I would have had to give in to the horns that hold up my halo :-)

  2. LOL. Too funny. I give you credit for hanging in there with this conversation.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and following me. I'm following you now, too. :)

  3. ROFL!!! Um, I'm speechless. That was fantastically hysterical. Oh. Should I be saying, "I'm sorry?" At least you didn't get burned at the stake. :D

  4. LOL!!! I feel for ya. I'm from the buckle of the Bible belt (luckily I escaped) so I have had many conversations like this!


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